Respecting Our Fellow Beings

I've been circling around this observation for some time now.

And quite frankly, I'm a little worked up about it.

I know it's very much a larger topic that has many veins, but it's something I feel compelled to write about tonight ... and to pose some tough questions about.

I've often wondered why it's so much easier for us to disrespect or hurt those we love more than complete strangers.

That thought leads me to the next ... why do we often get so caught up in our "roles" and "statuses" in society (all ego-driven concepts mind you) that we so easily dismiss people we consider "below" us or somehow inferior. And by that same code, we almost grovel to those we consider "above" us or superior.

And at the end of the day, when you step back from the close-up shot of ink blots in a mural and look at the picture in its entirety, we are ALL ink blots on the same tapestry of life. One blot isn't any different than the next, maybe altered in appearance and color, but identical in every other way. We are all made up of the same matter of this planet. Our energy, the electricity that flows through our body and animates it, our spirit if you will ... it's ALL the same. And if you believe in a higher power, than you would believe we are all connected to the exact same source, intelligence, higher being, God.

So why on earth do we look to the person next to us and allow our egos to automatically label them or automatically change our entire energy and treatment and behavior based on some observation we've made about them (male, female, young, old, poor, rich, slow, smart, black, white, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, Atheist, parent, child, manager, employee, owner, secretary, CEO, maid, etc.)

But let me rein this mental thread back in to the seed of my original thought — which ties into my previous post about taking people for granted — why do we so often act respectfully and politely to a stranger who asks us a question on the phone at work or who stops us for directions on the street or takes our order in a restaurant, yet we can turn to the person right in front of us — the person we know, trust and love — and disrespect them, dismiss them or hurt them right to their face?

Is it because we've taken them and their place in our life for granted so much that we can so easily project our personal "stuff" on them?

I can't speak for you all, but I know I've certainly done this many times in my life, whether it's to my parents (especially in my teen and young-adult life), friends, the person I'm dating, acquaintances, etc.

Is it because I figured "oh well, they love me, so they can take it"? And I've certainly put myself in situations in my life (which I've blogged about plenty ;-) where I've been another person's punching bag ... and in the next breath, watched them be nice as can be to someone they hardly know, or might not even care for in general. And I would lying if I said I haven't done something similar in one way or another in the past to someone I cared about.

My point is, what makes that other person more worthy of our attention and respect than the person we know and care about? In fact, shouldn't that be the other way around, or at the very least, equal?

It's worth pondering. I don't have the answers per se. I just raise the questions.

And speaking of equal ... my second point or question is, Why does anyone deserve more or less of you than anyone else? Why do we pick and choose what we give to people? I'm not saying that the people we love and care about wouldn't naturally get more of us, good and bad ... but at the end of the day, we are all just people, humans ... in this world together. And if the world was ending tomorrow, none of those labels would matter, all that would matter is our species as a whole. Yet we operate from those labels day in and day out.

Yes, some people drive us nuts, some people rub us the wrong way, some people we even consider mean, angry, manipulative, possessive or evil (though again, these are all ego-driven labels), but does that mean when you take a step back and look at the whole mural, we still don't all appear as the same small ink blots?

Because I think this about that person, does that somehow give me the right to treat them differently or expect everyone else to?

In the yoga world, as some people might know, the saying "Namaste" means "I bow to you" and variations of this greeting also mean "The light in me honors the light in you."

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all "Namaste" to one another on a regular basis?

Imagine a world where we treated one another as fellow human beings rather than "this type of person" or "that type of person."

Imagine a world where we actually treated people we loved and cared about with ... love and care.

I would surmise the world would be a far better place.

'Til next time my friends ...

Be well,

~C~

How to Stop Taking Your Life and People for Granted

Close your eyes a moment. Take a few breaths and imagine the faces of all the people important in your life right now. 

Linger a moment on each of them, their eyes, their smiles ... their energy. Think about what each of those people gives you, what each of them adds to your life on a daily basis. 

Now imagine if they all disappeared.

Imagine what your life would be like without those people in it.

This is a good exercise to practice every time you get upset with any of these people or angry about something and take it out on them. It's a good exercise to practice on a daily basis, upon waking up, mid-way through your day, before going to bed.

It doesn't always have to be people either, it can also be a job, your kids, your pets, a situation, a home, etc. 

The reason I mention it is, in a way, when we take people, possessions, jobs and even something as simple as running water and fresh food for granted, we are not honoring their value in those moments ... in those moments, they may as well not exist in our lives for all the honor we are giving them right then.

It's a harsh thing to think about or admit, but once you realize it, it can change your life ... and the silver lining is, it can change your life in ways that oftentimes (unfortunately) only tragedy or loss will do. And I've read about, written about, experienced and seen enough loss in life that it really hits me hard these days how fragile it all truly is.

But if you let this practice be a part of your day, it will give you the power to honor and respect all the people, all the tangible things and intangible things in your life. It will change the way you talk to people you care about. It will change the way you view your job and all the things it provides you, it will change the way you view your pets, even when they're driving you nuts ;-) or kids, your parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.

The second thing you can do to help rewire your brain to focus on the positives in your life and to no longer take people and life for granted, is gratitude. When you actually sit down and write out all the things you can think of off the top of your head that you have to be thankful for, you will be quite surprised how long that list gets.

So the second you have a negative thought about a person, situation or experience, try to counter it with a positive thought about that person, or a pleasant experience you had that day. And stay with THAT feeling and emotion.

The third thing you can do ... is when you have an enjoyable moment during your day, or something makes you laugh, try to stay with that feeling for a few seconds longer than you normally do. Try to stay present throughout the day and give your presence to the people in front of you at any given moment. 

You will find you experience those people in ways you may never have before, you will notice things about them you haven't before ... and if you have the open mindedness ... you will appreciate them for who they are and what they offer just a little bit more than you might have the day before.

These are just a few things that come to mind. But I think the key is stopping periodically throughout your day and just taking a moment to really ... well, take it all in. Take your life in and all the people in it.

And imagine if they weren't there anymore.

Til next time ... be well my friends <3

~C~ 

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

A self-fulfilling prophesy is essentially a belief or prediction that comes true because we are already acting as though it is true. 

So this can obviously go positively or negatively, depending on what the belief is. 

Right now, I want to talk about self-fulfilling fear-based prophesies. I've blogged about fear a long time ago and here and there in other posts.

But it's been awhile since we've talked about it. While I can sit here and say the obvious, "We must face our fears in order to overcome them," I want to actually focus on another aspect of fear that has definitely been a challenge in my life as of late.

Let's operate under the notion that everything we give our focus, energy, thoughts to, we strengthen and attract. So, if our mind is constantly on work-related material, work will consume our lives. If our mind is constantly on social media, we will get lost in the abysmal void that is the internet and so on.

If we focus on love, peace and joy, we will nurture those seeds and they will grow. Conversely, if we focus on our fears, if we continually operate our lives from a place of fear, we will assuredly bring those fears right to our doorstep. 

Imagine fear as a small, fiery ember in a hearth, and our focus and energy is oxygen and gasoline. 

This is the part that is the hardest for me to accept. But I see it happening day in a day out in my own life and in the lives of those I am close to. Operating from a place of "if I do this, then this won't happen, if I do that, then I won't feel this way, if I do this, that person won't get hurt," etc., we will undoubtedly manifest the very thing we are most scared of. If it's losing someone, hurting someone, if it's getting sick, if it's not being in control, if it's offending someone, if it's not being good enough or not feeling worth enough, rest assured, those things will become our reality. We will lose people, hurt people, we will get sick, we will wind up in situations we have absolutely no control over, we will offend people, we will constantly create situations where we feel unworthy.

Whether our fear-based actions drive others away, whether they thwart our own happiness (as I have definitely learned in my life, over and over again for the last decade), whether they appear to be the "safe" route to go but inevitably leave us with a sense of emptiness inside ... whatever the case is, we will continue to draw those very fears into our lives until we not only face them, but counter them with the opposite emotion ... love. Love and faith.

When we act from a place of love and faith, we will find a very different outcome — joy. I can't say that I'm there yet. I'm still working on NOT feeding my fears right now. But I have found that the times I do act from a place of love, when I trust that acting from this place will take me to where I'm meant to be, I do feel peace in that moment and I do end up where I need to be. 

And when I face my fears, and communicate my feelings to those who are important in my life, when I am open and genuine ... those fears dissipate. Because I've countered them with something much more powerful — love. 

So, if your fear is talking to someone, telling them something ... if it's standing up for yourself in a situation, maybe work or with friends, or a partner. If it's making a decision that might not please everyone, but is what makes you happy, what brings warmth to your soul, what helps you grow — for instance, not everyone gets why I'm pursuing therapeutic Yoga training, why I've gone down this path, but as long as I know it gives me joy and love and happiness, I know it's worth pursuing — approach it from a place of love. Be present as you face it. 

This could apply to a path in life, a lifestyle change, the decision to pursue a relationship, a career move, etc. The point is, know yourself, know what moves you, know what brings you joy and love and happiness ... and MOVE from that place, always. When you feel fear creep up and try to control your next step ... or if you're hearing many different opinions (I've definitely been there) and none of them feel quite right ... stop and listen inside. Listen with your heart and soul and you'll know what to do.

Our fears are only as powerful as we make them. WE make them. We are their maker. And to believe they run our lives is a farce. 

Watch what you give your attention to. Observe what you choose to feed in your life and what you choose starve. If you are scared something will happen, if you believe the worst will occur, you will then act from those places ... and sure enough, you will create your own self-fulfilling prophesy.

So, I say this to myself as much as you all ... we must choose wisely. Remember, we're all in this together.

~C~

Embrace Yourself

The most adventurous journey to embark on; is the journey to yourself, the most exciting thing to discover; is who you really are, the most treasured pieces that you can find; are all the pieces of you, the most special portrait you can recognize; is the portrait of your soul. ― C. JoyBell C.

As I sit here, sipping wildberry zinger tea, under a blanket in my parents' living room amidst a glorious Christmas tree ... I can't help but feel a sense of nostalgia and home.

I'm staying here for another yoga training weekend on the west side. And I'm full of so many emotions, it's hard to breathe today. The more I'm transforming, opening up, the more intense it all feels. But instead of trying to figure out how to "make these emotions go away," like I always used to, I am trying to sit with them, perhaps even make friends with them. Emotion is tied to memory, to ego thoughts, but the feelings of love and joy, those are tied to my higher self, my heart and soul.

So, whether it's sadness or happiness, whatever it's tied to, it's emotion and it's powerful. And now that I have realized how powerful our thoughts and minds are, I'm learning to respect my emotions, on each end of the spectrum and in between.

Because emotion is evidence of living. And I've spent so many years fearing living that I'd much rather get into the mess of it all than sit neatly in the background. This includes feeling so much love, I'm brought to tears most days at the smallest things, whether an act of kindness or a glimmer of nostalgia, whether discovering yet another small shift inside me or noticing it in a close friend.

This also includes feeling vulnerable and open to both my own pain or hurt as well as others'. And there are a lot of hurting people out there. I encounter them all day long and I have to consciously put up a "mental shield" as my counselor used to tell me to do in order to not let it all affect me so deeply. But it's hard. It's hard to open up and then learn how to flip that switch when you need to.

So tonight, I'm struggling with flipping that switch. With learning balance while also allowing the flow of emotion to pass through. It's a hard one to master and I'm sure it will take me years if ever to get there. But one thing I can say ... I am enjoying the journey. Every scary moment when I feel I might lose my nerve, every break through experience where I rediscover something within myself I'd thought long lost, every peaceful breath and sullen tear, every moment I feel my mind take over and I gently intervene, every time I go to lie down and begin to fixate on old fears and all the people I could lose in my life ... And then gently change my thoughts to the positives in my life instead.

It's all a journey, an ongoing lesson book that I am embracing more and more. My fears, well ... they're gonna disappear one by one as I continue to face them. And my essence, knowing myself, that has been the biggest gift I could have ever given myself. Knowing and loving myself for who I am.

I think back on the day I first went to counseling ... as well as the last day. I remember that first time, I had to fill out papers and papers of background information and then my thoughts and feelings. I shutter to think of all the awful, horrible, negative stuff I had said about myself ... things like "worthless," "undeserving," "pathetic" "unloveable" .... and the truth is, all of those things I felt about myself I then created in the people and situations I attracted in my life, which enforced them.

And it wasn't until now that it truly has sunken in how my self worth, the essence of who I am ... of who we ALL are, once embraced ... is invincible. It cannot be shattered. And once we all realize that, we can truly move through life and our fears much more easily.

So, as I sit here, growing, changing ... feeling, being. I offer this simple sentiment —embrace yourself, your TRUE self. And don't live life ... let life live YOU.

Til next time, be well friends <3

~C~

Are You a Victim in Life?

“Manifesting is a lot like making a cake. The things needed are supplied by you, the mixing is done by your mind and the baking is done in the oven of the universe.” 
― Stephen Richards

I used to think when something awful happened to me in life or didn't go my way, it was either somehow my fault or I was doomed to be hurt, unhappy, abused, depressed, etc. The world was somehow out to get me.

I won't sit here and excuse other people's words or actions, there are some really awful, tragic, horrible things that people do out there to other people or to themselves ... but I will sit here and say something that has profoundly impacted my view of life thus far.

It's something a lot of people, especially those who are like I was, will not want to hear. But a lot of times, what is going on externally in our lives is an exaggerated mirror of what's going on inside ourselves.

I'm not saying that makes other people's hurtful or harmful actions OK or even warranted. What I am saying is, we tend to attract energy we either put out or that is within us. It's like the child who grows up in a dysfunctional family who unconsciously plays out those same dynamics over and over again in all the adult relationships in his/her life. It's like the woman who grew up verbally or physically abused or had such low self esteem and lack of identity who then seeks out men who are abusive and play out that same internal dialogue.

Those are more extreme cases of what I'm talking about, but other examples could be as simple as someone having internal conversations that say they aren't good enough, they aren't as good as so and so, they aren't lovable, they are flawed, they are broken ... and then find themselves in one failed relationship after another, or never going far in their career, or seeing their counterparts exceed while they stay stagnant.

What I'm driving at is, we often victimize ourselves in life unnecessarily. If someone cuts us off, we feel wounded. If someone is rude to us in a check out line, we feel affronted and defensive. But if we, instead, changed that dialogue inside, we will see that we have total control over how each and every "negative" situation or stimuli that arises in our lives impacts us. We DO have a choice in the thoughts we think and the stories we weave around our experiences. But it's hard for us to sometimes take responsibility for those choices. Sometimes it's just easier to be the doormat and then get mad when someone walks on us.

Our relationships are one of the biggest mirrors and revealers in our lives, in my opinion. They tell us what our relationships with ourselves are. Our closest relationships/friendships can tell us a lot. When you find yourself constantly attracting the same kind of unhealthy people or situations in life, the first place to look is within. What, inside of you, is going on that could be attracting this energy? What kind of self talk do you have? Are you kind to yourself? The friendship and love that you seek from another, are you even practicing that same kind of love and friendship with yourself? What mind chatter is going on all day long? Do you even pay attention?

Our internal dialogue sets the precedence and tone for the rest of the universe to follow. You are a vibrating being. Ask yourself what kind of vibration you are putting out there day in and day out. Ask yourself how, if you abuse yourself every single day with comparisons to others, with negative thoughts, with self-esteem busters, with inferiority or fear-based ego-centric thoughts, with anger, or resentment, etc., could you possibly expect to attract people, opportunities and situations that are any different?

These are hard questions. The last person we want to look at when we feel harmed or abused or taken advantage of is ourselves. It's a lot easier to look at the external ripple rather than look at the internal pebble. It's like allowing a pet to take food off your plate and then getting angry when that pet takes food off a guest's plate. You ultimately set the example internally for the universe to follow.

When I made this realization, it hit me hard. I didn't want to think it for a long time. I wanted to remain the victim. I identified with it somehow. It still tries to grasp at me here and there, if I'm being honest. It was hard to look within and face the sad, dark or awful parts of myself, to see how I treated myself and how that projected into my relationships with others. But once I faced these things (for the record, I face new things every single day), I realized this was not a reason to beat myself up ... it was the very key to my own freedom and empowerment.

So, take these words as your keys to freedom. Empower yourself. Instead of beating yourself up about the past, embrace the lessons there and move forward taking charge of your present and future. Start with your thoughts. Watch them. Let them show you the places in the mind that need rewiring ... and begin, little by little to change your thoughts into something positive. Whether you get cut off in traffic, and thank that person for teaching you patience, or you get snapped at at work and realize that person is in pain of some kind and taking it out on you, so you instead respond very compassionately to them.

Begin to change your entire vibration and essence. Love yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Tell yourself all the things you would yearn to hear from others. Start with you.

The rest will take care of itself. Don't believe me? Give it a try :-)

Until next time ... be well friends <3

Love,

~C~

Sad Stories Rip Life Open

“I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.” ~ Walter Anderson

I am compelled to write tonight.

I've had many things swirling around my heart and mind over the last several months. Most of them just partial thoughts or random musings, some of them reaching so deep, it's hard to breathe when I attempt to put them in writing.

I was going to write tonight a bit more about my grandma, her dementia and what it's been like to slowly watch it take hold of her ... and maybe I can talk about it a little bit.

But I also have a friend who is battling cancer ... well, two friends really. One of them is really sick right now, another former co-worker of mine just lost her mom and I guess tonight, I'm just having one of those nights where I have never felt so helpless.

Yet at the same time, I acutely feel the power of life, the universe, the cycle of everything and how incredibly hard it is to "let go," to live and feel life in our veins even during the times we want to cry ... the times when it feels like our whole world is crashing down around us.

It's this paradoxical moment, where you feel both entirely powerless and despondent yet completely, even painfully alive at the same time. You feel like you just want to run from those feelings, from the fears they trigger, but running has never solved anything. And I think, practicing being present, living each moment as though it is THE moment, your ONLY moment, is how we finally relinquish those fears and are truly able to live our lives fully and transparently, letting all emotion in and out, without any barriers or webs to trap them in.

Because once you trap emotions, or resist reality, you create negative emotions that cloud the mind and will eventually manifest in other ways.

So, my reality is ... I am terrified of my grandma losing her memories, losing herself, losing ...

I am scared of my friends being sick and what could happen. I'm scared of Lakota regressing, of him going downhill and never coming back again, of the day I have to part ways with him and Bella and other people in my life. I'm scared of death. I've always been scared of death.

And it's something that, I think as I continue to grow, as I continue down this path of Yoga and meditation, self discovery, transformation, etc., I will begin to chip away at that fear, like all my fears.

But right now, I can feel it gripping me at night, the way it used to when I was a child. Luckily, I've gotten to the point now where I can "be the watcher" as Eckhart Tolle says or as my yoga guru called it, "the witness" to my mind. I watch my thoughts and where they go and most times, I can calmly bring them back to my breath. But that fear will keep coming until I overcome it, just like others.

The reality is, people get sick, some people leave us earlier than we would like, some people lose themselves, some people transform and change and we don't want them to. So many things are constantly in motion and a lot of times our fears make us want them to remain in place.

One thing I've realized with my grandma is ... while she's "in there" always, even the days when she seems far away, I think oftentimes its everyone else, including myself, that is more affected with her losing her memories and her "story" than she is. In fact, in a lot of ways, she's becoming more and more "present" with her living than most of us ever get to be. More and more, it's becoming about her experience with the people she's with and interacting with than what is actually done or said during that time (which she will forget soon after).

She responds to the way I make her feel when I walk into the room, how "present" I am with her and what energy I'm exuding (is it love, compassion, calm, peace, care, respect ... or is it frustration, sadness, anxiety or anger). She can pick up on it right away, even now. And those are the things that matter to her ... and they're the very things that SHOULD matter to all of us, when we aren't in our analytical, memory hugging, compulsive minds.

If we were only more present, more in tune with the energy we put out at all moments of the day, more responsible for the energy we bring into any given situation, the world would be a very different place.

And what's more? It makes me realize just how attached we all are to our "stories," to all the chatter and sentiment and meaning our minds weave around every experience we have, all the good memories and the bad, how we often define ourselves by these stories and harken back to them every chance we get, how we use our stories to rationalize things, to explain things, as a crutch, or as an ego-boost, as a reason why this or that is the way it is.

Watching my grandma lose her memory makes me realize that yes, it is important to honor my own memories and my mind's ability to recall them ... but it's also important to let go of the stories, to cherish the present moment and to home in on what energy I'm offering those around me rather than worry about all that mind chatter and dialogue.

And those who are battling illness, or have lost loved ones ... they remind me that yes, I am scared, I am not immune to fear or so enlightened that I have surpassed fear itself. Fear still cripples me some days. And that's OK, because fear is just a guiding post to truth. And life is sacred, it's precious and it can change on a dime. Our bodies won't always be here, but our energy has the power to transform, to fuel, and to move on.

So, don't waste that energy on anger, frustration, irritation, fear ... don't waste that precious life energy some people — especially those who are sick — are losing more and more of on resentment or the past, the storytelling, etc.

Instead, lets practice gratitude, every second of the day, for every breath we take and those we love, the pets in our lives, the moments of laughter and joy, the amenities we have that some people never have, the support systems in our lives, the way nature smells, the way the air feels ...

Because it's not our stories that define who we are.

It's how we live.

~C~

Life Can Change in a Blink. But Are You Even Living?

Life ... it's this fickle, beautiful, devastating, wonderful, awe-inspiring, heart-wrenching, fleeting thing.

It's so hard to pin down and just when you think you've got it defined, that you have it within your grasp once and for all, it somehow evades you, leaving a wisp of smoke in its wake.

Lately, I've been reminded in quite a few ways just how precious this thing we call life is. It's not really a thing ... it's a state of being. It's "being." But how often are we truly being? How often are we really living?

Most days, we are living in the mind chatter of the ego ... caught up in the drama, the pain, the past, the future, the worry, the doubts, fears, grievances, resentments, anger, love, passion, highs, lows, offenses, obsessions, fixations, indifferences, cares, reactions, judgements, comparisons, sadness and giddiness of the mind-made world we live in. It's almost madness when you think about it.

We are all over social media, our phones, the TVs, video games, ear buds, iPods, work, stress, work, stress. We are mindless droids some days and overly anxious, scared, passionate, emotional, irrational humans the next. We are amazing creatures, the capabilities we have, yet we still take for granted all that we have to offer the planet, the universe, the moment.

I guess, in seeing most recently, just how fragile life can be, just how quickly it can change, I realize how pointless the above worries, extreme emotions, fixations, ego chatter, etc. really is in the grand scheme of life.

All of that distracts us from the very act of living. And living is going on all around us ALL the time, if only we tapped into it more. It's shown in nature every moment of the day. It's shown in our pets, in those few moments of completely present awareness when we feel our actual bodies living, when we step back and just exist without trying.

I guess what I'm saying is ... all those cliches about living each moment as though it was your last, stopping to smell the roses, seizing the day, living in the moment, etc., those have become cliches for a reason ... because so many humans have stumbled upon these realizations over and over again in the history of our existence and expressed them in one form or another that they've sadly become redundant and lost their staggering power.

Those mantras lose their power until that very moment, when you're life does, indeed, flash before you, when something does drastically change either personally or to someone close to you, bringing you face to face with your mortality (at least your body and mind's mortality). And my question to myself and all of you is, WHY do we wait until something "happens" to embrace this wisdom we've held within us our whole lives, that has been passed down to us by our former human ancestors?

Why do we let our minds run the show and distract us from truly living each day to its fullest as they say?

I can't answer those questions for you ... I'm still working on them for myself. But what I do know is, continuous practice of present moment awareness, using my compasses (like Lakota and Bella, nature, yoga, meditation, my breath, my heartbeat) to bring me back to that place whenever I can, that's going to be the key to me living more and more fully. Because time is, indeed, moving. We are aging. Life is happening.

And the only thing there truly ever is ... is the present.

~C~