Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The "In Between"

Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace.  ~ Author Unknown

Feeling in a place I sometimes call the "in between." It's this place where I'm feeling so many different emotions across the spectrum at once, I almost feel I'm "in between" all of them, like a moving target.

Tonight, I'm also struggling a bit with fixating on things that make me anxious ... whether it's fixating on a person or memory or something in the present that is hard to comprehend or face. Fixating on the future ... the past. So the above quote is one I've been looking back on here and there as the days age past me. And it grounds me a bit. I keep remembering that now is truly all I've got. 

Sad things are going on around me lately, sad stories, hardships. Even today, it may seem on a smaller scale compared to some of the truly tragic or painful things people have or are going through right now, but my neighbor's dog ran out and was hit and killed by a car. I don't say this to bring you all down ... but it hit home with me hard, as I'd lost my first dog almost 8 years ago that same way. It devastated me at the time. I was only 20. But today, it just drove home the point that life is short and can truly be gone in a flicker of a moment. In a moment, everything can change. In a moment, our lives, as we know them, can disappear like a wisp of smoke caught up in a breeze. 

Sure, it's an anxious thought to mull over. No one wants to feel like they're lives are completely out of their control ... or that we're blindfolded while standing at the edge of a precipice. I don't recommend fixating on something like that. But I do think it's important to glance back on the concept that life is as fragile as the stem of a glass, to keep things in perspective when we're having bad days (as I am today). To remember good days are often right around the corner, but we have to first make the most of what we've got in front of us. To quit ignoring the cliches "Carpe Diem" or "Live in the moment," or "Life is short." And to start actually BELIEVING those things. After all, cliches don't become so for no reason.

I also tend to be a sponge to the people, environment/atmospheres or situations around me, to my friends' troubles, people I care about who are hurting or family members' woes. It's hard to put up that mental "white shield" sometimes. Like tonight.

Yet I continue to remember I'm living and breathing right now. And there CAN be peace found in this moment if I choose to find it and feel it. I recently took a trip to Savannah, GA with my best friend Katie as my "plus one" for a wedding I was in. We had a wonderful time there. Oftentimes, I go on vacation to "think" or find some kind of answer. In the past anyhow, that's always seemed to happen. But this time, I decided it wasn't going to be about soul searching, it was going to be about living. Simply living. Enjoying the moment and not thinking a thing about the past or future. And for the most part, I was actually able to succeed in this venture. And I felt myself physically transforming, even just in those days. I felt my heart lighten and my soul breathe ... I felt my mind stretch its tense muscles a bit and feel at ease and my emotions took on a slightly breezy, elated form. I felt a brief, but true reprieve.

Yes, I had to come back home and face things and life. And I am. But I keep grasping at that feeling of respite whenever I feel overwhelmed by life. And so far, I've been able to rein things back in and taste a bit of that peace again, even if just for a moment, when I'm able to suspend everything else pressing in on me. Because when I AM embracing the "now," I find that's where all the living happens.

It doesn't happen in the past ... and it doesn't happen in the future. The living happens right now. The peace is there, too, if I allow myself to feel it and breathe it. So that's kind of where I'm at right now. That's the chapter I'm in. And as the pages continue to turn, I'll continue to write them ...

Till next time ...



  1. What a beautiful and introspective post. I identified with many of the things that you wrote here. Sounds as if you are dealing with moving on from some things? That's just what struck me when reading this. I hope you continue sharing your writings on here...they're wonderful.

    1. Thank you ... it always feels good when someone tells me something I wrote resonates with them, breathes renewed life into my writing. And yes, I am dealing with moving on from things while facing other things in my life. It's a process and a journey to transformation. And something in me made me want to share glimpses of it, vulnerable and exposing as they are. Thanks for reading ...

    2. You're welcome and thank you for sharing such posts...they inspire me to be introspective. Have a wonderful Friday Cassandra :-)