Saturday, November 24, 2012

How Much Can Our Love Tell Us?

We accept the love we think we deserve. ~ Perks of Being a Wallflower.

A couple weeks ago, I went with my friend Katie to see the above movie. At one point, the main character is telling his teacher about the girl he is in love with, who is with a person who doesn't treat her that well. He asks the teacher why she is with him. The teacher looks at him, pauses a moment and simply says, "We accept the love we think we deserve."

This particular line, which is repeated again later, hit me pretty hard. There have been a few times my friends have asked me why I've chosen the kinds of "love" I've chosen over the years. Sure, the meaning of love is different for everyone, but when I think back on the many different kinds I've experienced over the last decade or so, some, not very healthy, others, seemingly "healthy" but not satisfactory, etc., it's made me realize that if I want a barometer on how I feel about myself or view myself, all I need to do is look at how I love and how I'm loved.

This is often a touchy subject, just like my post about "settling." It's different for everyone. But I will put this out there for, at the very least, food for thought. What kind of love do you have? What kind of love do you give? And what kind of love do you accept?

Pondering this might give you insight about yourself you never realized. I used to see women, when I was a teenager, who were treated horribly by men they were with, yet they stayed. Or men, who were cheated on constantly by their girlfriends or taken advantage of, used, etc. I never got it then. I get it now. It's as though you become a victim of yourself.

And this isn't just about significant others. It's about the kinds of people, situation, circumstances, treatment we either surround ourselves with or allow in general. Think about that a moment.

The reason, at least in my personal experience, I fluctuated in the kinds of love I've experienced, both in friendships and relationships, is because at those points in time, on some level, that is the kind of love I thought I deserved. The same can be said for the person opposite of me. Lord knows I've got my own not very easy to handle tendencies, to put it nicely ;-)

But nevertheless, that line is worth pondering I believe. It could give you more insight about yourself than you expected.


1 comment:

  1. "We accept the love we think we deserve"...I have ran across this quote a lot lately. No less than three people in my life have spoken it during the last 6 weeks. Very eerie that it keeps turning up.